Icyiyumvo cy’ipfunwe kivugwaho kuba kimwe mu bishengura ubifite kurusha ibindi ku isi yose. Rimwe na rimwe, hari ubwo twumva dufite ipfunwe twishinja ibyaha nyamara nta mpamvu n’imwe ifatika ibitera. Ibindi bihe, twumva mu buryo bwa kamere, kumva turibwa mu nda kubera kwiyumva ko twagiriye nabi ndetse tugashengura uwo dukunda.
Mu gihe kumva twishinja ibyaha bishobora kuva ku mutimanama wacu ukora cyane, kenshi, ibi byiyumvo ari ikimenyetso mpuruza kikuva mu mubiri kikubwira kwitonda ugakenga.
Muri iyi nkuru dukesha urubuga lifehack, turakugezaho impamvu enye abantu bumva bafite ipfunwe kandi bishinja icyaha mu rukundo cyangwa umubano ndetse n’inama zagufasha guhangana n’iki cyiyumvo kamere.
1. Kwiyumva nk’aho utari mwiza bihagije
Impamvu imwe itera icyiyumvo cyo kwishinja ibyaha n’ipfunwe ni ukwiyumva utari mwiza bihagije. Kumva ko ukundana n’umuntu nyamara akurenze mbese utamukwiye ni ikintu cyashengura umutima cyane. Ibi bitekerezo biva ku kutigirira icyizere (low self-esteem) kandi bishobora kurangira byangije umubano iyio kititaweho neza.
Uretse kandi kwiyuva nk’aho udakwiriye, bamwe muri twe bashobora kumva bishinja ibyaha bitewe n’umuhangayiko. Nk’uko ikinyamakuru Psychology Today kibivuga, intambara cyangwa igisubizo ku kuba wumva ushobora kumva ushoborwa no guterwa n’ipfunwe ni “nko kugira akuma gatanga impuruza ku mwotsi ubyara ukurikirwa n’umuriro mu mutwe wawe.”
Mu gihe ushaka kuba umuntu wowe ubwawe wishimira kuba no ku wo mukundana ari ikintu tuvukana, kuba wakwigiraho ibitekerezo bya kabiri n’urukundo urimo bishobora kugutera ibyiyumvo byo kwishinja ibyaha n’ipfunwe, no kumva nta kivurira ufite mu rukundo ukibwira uti “Ubanza mbihagazemo ku buce,” cyangwa “byaba byiza mugenzi wanjye yishakiye uwo bameze kimwe utari njye.”
Ahubwo rero aha, uba ukwiye kwishakamo ibitekerezo bikubuza kwigereranya n’wuo mukundana. Wabyanga wabyemera, uwo mukundana imiterere ndangamuntu ye itandukanye by’ihabya n’iy’uwo mukundana, kandi ibyo nta kibazo biteye.
Ababiri [couples] benshi bakundana ubundi basanga kuba abakundana batandukanye ari ikintu cyiza ububdi, mu gihe bigaburira urukundo iyo umwe muri babiri azanye ingufu ze yihariye mu rukundo zikarubera inkingi mwikorezi.
Ibuka ko uwo mukundana yaguhisemo, ntahitemo undi muntu wigereranya na we.
Baguhisemo bagukunda uko uri, ibi byakaguteye guterwa ingufu no kuba uro uri we!
Uko wabigenza
Niwisanga utangiye guhangana n’ibitekerezo bihoraho byo kutiyizera no kwitakariza icyizere mu rukundo, tekereza iby’uko wasanga umuganga ubifitiye icyemezo uvura indwara zo mu mutwe. Umuganga wabigize umwuga yagufasha kumva uko wahindura ibitekerezo byawe hanyuma ugatangira ukibona neza (positive) kandi mu ijwi rigufasha kurushaho kugira ngo wite ku rukundo ugomba uwo ukunda aho kwitekerezaho nabi, wikururira ibitekerezo bikubyarira umuhangayiko.
Kubasha guhindura ibitekerezo byawe ni ubuhanga butagira uko busa bushobora kugira umumaro ibice byose by’ubuzima bwawe.
2. Kumenya ko wahemukiye uwo ukunda
Ku rundi ruhande, ipfunwe rishobora kukuzamukamo igihe cyose uzi ko hari ikibi wakoze. Uko amahame ngengamyitwarire yawe yose yaba ari, icyiyumvo kiri imbere mu mutima wawe ko udashobora guhungabana kizakomeza kukubamo kugeza ubwo uzafatira umwanzuro wo gusanga uwo mukundana ngo muganire.
Icyiyumvo gishobora kuva ku mimerere aho icyizere cyangijwe mu rukundo, byaba mu buryo bworoshye cyangwa bukomeye.
Byashoboka ko ubana n’uwo mukundana ukaba wakoresheje usesagura amafaranga ukarenza cyane ingengo y’imari mwemeranijeho gukoresha ku kwezi. Aho kwemerera iryo pfunwe kuba ryakura, girana ikiganiro cy’umutima umenetse n’uwo mukundana cyerekeye uburyo ukoresha amafaranga.
Mugenzi wawe azagushimira cyane kuvugisha ukuri aho guhisha uko wakoresheje amafaranga. Ikiganiro mugirana gishobora no kuba amahirwe yo gusaba ubufasha mu buryo bwo gucunga amafaranga yawe niba warananiwe gukoresha neza ingengo y’imari wiyemeza.
Ku kigero gikomeye, ahari ushobore gutya kwisanga wamennye ibanga umukunzi wawe yari yakubikije akwizeye.
Uko wabigenza
Kuko ubundi kwizerana ari yo nkingi fatizo y’umubano uramba, birumvikana ko kwangiza amarangamutima y’ubwiyumvanemo bishobora guteza ikibazo cyerekeye icyizere uwo mukundana akugirira ndetse byanateza kuba mwashwana mugatandukana. Niwisanga warangije icyizere cy’uwo mukundana mu buryo ubwo ari bwo bwose, inzira imwe rukumbi yo gukomeza kugana imbere ni ukubwiza umukunzi wawe ukuri.
Mu gihe rimwe na rimwe kuvugisha ukuri bishobora kubabaza, umukunzi wawe akwiriye kumenya kandi bishoboka cyane ko azakubaha akanakubaha kuba wamubwije ukuri kurusha igihe yari kubimenya abikuye ahandi.
3. Kuguma mu rukundo umutima wawe mu by’ukuri utarurimo
Mu gihe rimwe na rimwe ipfunwe ribyarwa no kuba wagize nabi, ibi byiyumvo bishobora kuvuka igihe utagize icyo ukora na gito ku byabayeho, bituma bya bitekerezo bigumya kuzahaza ubwonko bwawe. Uku kwiyumva gutya guhwanye n’ipfunwe rijyanye no kuguma hasi, umenya ko umutwe n’umutima wawe bidahuza.
Muri iyi mimerere yose, kuvugisha ukuri ni cyo kintu cy’ingenzi kuruta ibindi.
Witegereza ko ibintu bikabya kuba bibi. Gufungura umutima ukaganira nta mbereka n’umukunzi wawe ni ingirakamaro.
Yewe no kwemera ko utiyumva ugihagaze ushikamye mu rukundo na byo hari ubwo ubwabyo bigutera kumva uruhutse umutwaro cyane ndetse byanagukuraho gato igitutu ku rukundo rwanyu, bitewe n’uko uwo mukundana azakira amakuru. Ku rundi ruhande, kuvuga ibyiyumvo byawe bizagufasha kuva ubaye uwo uri we.
Icyakora, ipfunwe riva ku kumenya niba uwo ukunda ateganya kuzamarana nawe ubuzima bwawe bwose usigaje ku isi mu gihe nyamara wowe atari ko wiyumva ni ikintu gishengura umutima, birumvikana. Rimwe na rimwe, abantu bahitamo kudakomeza urukundo rubageza ku gushakana, kandi icyo ni kimwe mu bigize ubuzima.
Kuguma mu rukundo wumva bidakwiriye si umwanzuro mwiza haba kuri wowe cyangwa mugenzi wawe.
Uko wabigenza
Kuganiriza mugenzi wawe umubwira uko wiyumva ni intambwe ya mbere ibageza ku kumvikana ku nzira mwaganishamo urukundo rwanyu.
Hatitawe ku gihe kirekire mwembi mwaba mumaranye mu rukundo, ntuzemere ko iyo mpamvu itambamira umwanzuro wamaze gufata mu mutwe wawe. Nta wifuza guta igihe cye akimarana n’umuntu ubeshya. Ukwiye kubaha uwo mukundana ucyitaho ntumutere umwanya.
Mu gihe gutandukana n’uwo mukundana bitajya byoroha na rimwe, mwembi wowe n’uwo mukundana muzumva mwishimiye gukundana n’umuntu ufite ibyiyumvo by’urukundo muhuje mugakundana nta we uhenda cyangwa acure undi.
4. Igihe muhuga mukaburirana umwanya
Inzira y’urukundo ni nk’iyo ku musozi, ni ukuvuga ko izamuka inamanuka. Kuba ku ipaji imwe mu rukundo n’uwo mukundana si ibintu byikora. Mu buzima bibaho, akazi gahuza abantu (kabagira ‘busy’) ndetse hari izindi nshingano zibuza mwembi kuba mwahura cyangwa ngo muganire bihoraho, bishobora kugutera kukuzanamo ibyiyumvo bigushinja icyaha.
Ibuka ko ipfunwe riva ku kuba mutari ku burebure bumwe bw’umwaro nk’uwo mugenzi wawe ahagazeho ni ibisanzwe kandi birumvikana. Niba ari wowe uhuze cyane kurusha uwo mukundana, ushobore kumva wishinja icyaha cyane utekereza uti “Uwo dukundana akwiye umuntu umuha igihe gihagije,” cyangwa “ntabwo tugihura nk’uko byahoze.”
Niba ukunda by’ukuri umukunzi wawe ukabona ejo hazaza hawe muri kumwe, wabimubwira noneho ukamusaba kwihangana. Akazi nikabizana, cyangwa ukisanga uhuze kurusha uko bisanzwe, izeza umukunzi wawe ko urukundo rwanyu ari ingenzi cyane kuri wowe, umubwire gusa ko ibihe urimo biguhugije cyane kurusha uko bisanzwe.
Uko wabigenza
Tekereza umunsi wo gusohokana n’umukunzi wawe igihe uzaba nta kazi kenshi ufite aho mwembi mwahura mukiyibutsa ibihe mwagiranye mukongera kwiyumvanamo nk’agati gakubiranye.
Igihe mwembi mufite ikintu cyiza mutegerezanyije ahazaza bitari amatariki ya vuba cyane aho mwahura mugasangira hagati aho, ushobora gushyira ku ruhande ibitekerezo byawe by’ipfunwe kuko uzi neza ko amahirwe yo guhura yegereje. Aha noneho, ya tariki nigera, mushobora kwishimana munanywera akarahuri hamwe ku bwo kwihanganirana mutegereza no ku bw’urukundo rwanyu.
Muri make
Kwiyumva wishinja icyaha bigutera ipfunwe mu rukundo si umukino. Abantu nkawe mugira umutimanama ukora nk’akamashini gahuruza ko inzu ifashwe n’inkonki hari ibyago byinshi ko muzagira ibyiyumvo bitari ngombwa ko bijyanirana n’ikibi wakoze, nko kuba wumva utari mwiza ukwiranye n’uwo ukunda cyangwa kuba uhuze cyane mu gihe runaka.
Ku rundi ruhande, ipfunwe ryaba amarangamutima yagufasha amurikira roho yawe akanakubashisha gutandukanya icyiza n’ikibi. Ukwiye kumvira ijwi riri mu mutima wawe niwisanga muri ‘situation’ [umwanya] wo gukora ikibi hanyuma ukamenya inzira wacamo.
Hejuru ya byose, ipfunwe no kwishinja ibyaha bishobora gufasha cyangwa bikababaza ndetse umuntu ashobora kubyiyumvamo ku bw’impamvu zitandukanye. Igisubizo kuri ubu bwoko bubiri bw’ipfunwe ni ukuganira n’umukunzi wawe.
Ganira n’umukunzi wawe umusobanurire uko wiyumva, usabe ubufasha kandi ube umunyakuri. Umva umubiri wawe kandi ntiwemerere igitekerezo cyawe kibi cyose kugukora ku bwonko.
Niwemera guhangana n’ibyiyumvo by’ipfunwe kandi ukagaragaza akakuri ku mutima, uzumva uruhutse rwose ndetse uwo mukundana azishimira kumenya ikijya mbere n’uko ibintu bihagaze kandi umusaruro wabyo uzaba ko uzabasha kumwiyumvamo no kumva akuri hafi kurushaho.
Iradukunda Fidele Samson
