Mbega amajwi agira atya akatuza mu mutwe! Nawe urayazi. Kumwe ujya kumva ukumva amajwi akongorera ibigucira imanza ari na ko bigutera gushidikanya ku byo ukora ari na ko nawe wishidikanyaho. Bene ayo majwi araza akakubwira ati “Uratekereza ko uri nde?” Akongera ati “Uretse no kurota se ahubwo, ni gute ushobora gukora ibintu nka biriya? Ni gute wamera utyo umuntu nkawe?”
Bene ayo majwi yaba ayo twiyumvisha mu mitima n’intekerezo zacu, cyangwa atugera mu matwi avuye mu kanwa k’abandi, ni ibintu bituma twumva tutari beza cyangwa tudashoboye bihagije.
Kandi mbere y’uko dutahura ko ibi birimo kutubaho, buhoro buhoro nka bumwe bugeza umuhovu ku iriba, tugenda dutakariza icyizere umuntu turi we, ibyo dukora ndetse n’ibyo twatekerezaga ko tuzi byose.
Ibi se byaba byarakubayeho ?
Niba igisubizo ari yego, nturi wenyine. Nk’uko urubuga BetterHealth rukora umurimo w’ubujyananama n’ubuvuzi bw’indwara zo mu mutwe kuri murandasi rubivuga, mu gihe runaka atabigambiriye, buri wese agira atya agatakaza icyizere. Si ikosa ryacu kuba ibi byatubaho.
Hari ibintu byinshi biba intandaro yo gutakaza icyizere kwacu. Inkuru ya Psychology Today isobanura buri kintu guhera ku miterere y’utunyangingo ndangasano dukura ku bo dukomokaho, ibyo duhura na byo mu buzima kugeza ku byo twumva, dusoma cyangwa turora mu itangazamakuru n’imbuga nkoranyambaga nk’impamvu zishobora gutuma dutakaza ndetse tukitakariza icyizere.
Mu nkuru yanditse ku rubuga Lifehack, Paolina Milana, umutoza utoza abantu kwigirira icyizere ukoresha ibarankuru ngo afashe abantu kugera ku gasongero k’ububasha n’ubushobozi bwabo, agira ati “ Hari intambwe enye zitagoye zagaruriye abantu ntoza icyizere mu buryo bwihuse, kandi nzi ko nawe zizagufasha.’’
1. Shakashaka Umenye Impamvu-muzi
Kumenya ugasobanukirwa impamvu ugenda witakariza icyizere ni urufunguzo rwo kumenya noneho uko wahindura icyerekezo ndetse ntibibe gusa kugarura icyizere ahubwo bikanakongerera imbaraga ari na ko bigukomeza mu rugendo rw’ubuzima bwawe.
Rero, icyo wakora ni ugufata igihe ukamenya uko uhagaze, ibigukikije muri rusange, ibitekerezo byawe, imyitwarire yawe n’imigenzereze ndetse n’imibanire yawe n’abandi kugira ngo umenye neza ibibi bigusumbirije ‘negative influences’ bikeneye kwitababwaho.
Urugero:
• Ese aho ntiwaba wigereranya n’abandi ushingiye kuri videwo n’amafoto “highlight reels” bashyira ku mbuga nkoranyambaga? Ese ibyo kubikora bizamura icyizere wigirira cyangwa bikora ikinyuranyo?
• Ese aho ntiwaba wishyiraho cyangwa wiyitegaho ubwawe intego ubundi zidashoboka nka kumwe umuntu arota ku manywa? Ntiwaba wumva ko ugomba kuba nta makemwa “perfect” cyangwa ko ugomba kumenya byose no gukora byose neza? Ese izo “ntego zidashoboka ntizaba ari zo ntandaro cyangwa zigira uruhare mu gutakaza no kwitakariza icyizere?
• Uriyumvamo ikigero cy’imyaka yawe? Waba uri mu myaka yawe ibarirwa muri za 20, za 30, za 40, za 50, za 60 cyangwa kuzamura, icyo wamenya ni uko buri bihe “season” bishya bizana n’ubunararibonye bushya, kandi rimwe na rimwe niba atari buri gihe ahubwo, kwiga ikintu gishya bigira uruhare kuri twe mu kugabanya icyizere twigirira cyangwa tugirira umuntu twari dusanzwe turi we.
• Ese abantu bakubereye mu buzima—abo wita “inshuti”, abakoresha bawe, abo mukorana cyangwa se n’abandi b’ingirakamaro kuri wowe—ntibaba bagusuzugura kugeza ku rwego ibyo bagukorera n’ibyo bakubwira cyangwa bakuvugaho bikuremerera ugasa n’aho utsinzwe maze bikagushyira hasi ari na ko bishyira hasi cyane icyizere wigirira ?
Kwibaza ibi bibazo mu buzima bwawe ndetse no kubibonera ibisubizo bizagufasha gutangira kwigobotora no guca ingoyi z’ibigusubiza muri urwo rwobo rw’ubwihebe no kwiburira icyizere bigutera kwiyanga.
2. Ibuka Uwo Uri We
Ndabizi. Ibi birumvikana nk’aho ari akantu koroshye cyangwa se ari akantu gateyemo ubwoba gato cyangwa se giteye ubwoba bwinshi. Ariko ndakubwiza ukuri ko abantu bose natoje icyo ari ikintu basanze ko kibatera imbaraga cyane.
Ibi, mu buryo bworoshye, ni nko kwisubiramo neza nk’ugosora cyangwa utoranya amabuye mu bishyimbo cyangwa umuceri mbere yo kuwuteka. Aha rero, fata urupapuro. Andika imyaka umaze uriho uri muzima uhereye igihe wibuka.
Ushobora gutangirira ku kigero icyo ari cyo cyose cy’imyaka wumva ushaka maze ukibanda ku myaka runaka yihariye cyangwa ibyiciro by’imyaka wenda ushyira hamwe ari itanu cyangwa icumi. Ntacyo bitwaye uburyo wabikoramo byose. Icyiza ni uko utagomba kwibeshya no kwibeshyera no kwibeshya igihe ubikora.
Abantu muri kamere yabo usanga bakunda kwibuka no gusubiza amaso inyuma ku bibi mu buzima— ibyababayeho kera bikabahungabanya, ibyababayeho bitabashyize aheza, ndetse n’ugutsindwa n’ibyo bananiwe kandi bari biyemeje. Rero, muri uyu mwitozo wo kwisubiramo, ukeneye kwihata kwandika ibintu byiza wumva bihambaye byakugejeje aho uri.
Ntibyabura, no kuba uriho utarapfuye ni ikintu gikomeye wagezeho, kubisuzugura ukabifata minenegwe, ni uko utibuka ko hari abapfuye bakurushaga byinshi byiza, kandi batari banze kubaho, ukabibagirwa ko yego hari abariho nkawe ariko bakurusha uburibwe.
Nta bihe wabayemo byakwitwa bito. Ntukwiye guca imanza cyangwa gutoranya ibyiza gusa. Andika byose wowe.
Urugero, igihe wari ufite amezi 11 watangiye guhaguruka no gutera udutambwe twa mbere? Nyoko, so cyangwa undi wakureze yaba yarakubwiye igihe watangiriye kuvuga amagambo ya mbere? Ni ryari wize gutwara igare? Ni ryari wabonye uruhushya rwo gutwara imodoka? Ni ikihe kintu wibuka cya mbere wahembewe kuko uri indashyikirwa mu bandi ?
Uribuka igihe wandikiye bwa mbere umukobwa cyangwa umusore akabaruwa k’urukundo? Ni nde muntu mudahuje igitsina wakunze bwa mbere? Na ho uwo wasomye bwa mbere se we yari nde? Ese nta bumenyi ufite uzi wishugurikiye ukabwiyigisha kandi bugufitiye akamaro cyangwa bwigeze kukakugirira ?
Ni ryari winjiye mu ndege bwa mbere? Reka tuvuge imodoka ariko da! Wari ufite imyaka ingahe igihe wiguriraga akantu runaka ukavanye mu mafaranga wakoreye ubwawe? Ni ikihe kintu wakoze mu bihe byahise utatekerezaga ko utari bushobore na rimwe bitewe n’uko wanganaga cyangwa ubushobozi wari ufite ?
Urabona uburyo iyo dusubiyemo ibintu byose twakoze (kandi tukabishobora) —byinshi muri byo bikaba ari ibintu tutari tunaze uko twabitangira—dutangira kumenya no gutahura uburyo dushoboye n’ikigero cy’ubushobozi buhambaye dufite ?
Si uko nta makosa twakoze mu bihe byahise cyangwa tutagize aho tunyerera tukagwa mu rugendo cyangwa se wenda ngo tugire ibyo twica mu gihe twageragezaga ari ko tuniga. Icyo mvuga hano ni uko nibura twakomeje urugendo—kandi na none ko byaba ibyiza cyangwa ibibi— nta kitaragize iherezo.
Mu gukora bene uyu mwitozo, dutangira kwibona neza twisobanukirwa maze tukiyongerera icyizere twigirira. Dutangira kandi kurora twibuka ibihe n’ibintu bitagenze neza uko twabiteganyaga ariko bikaza kuba imbarutso y’ibihe cyangwa ibintu byaje kuba byiza kurushaho kandi binini kurusha uko twabitekerezaga.
Dushyira ibi bintu ku rundi rwego maze tukisohokamo ubwacu. Rero, aha ubishatse wakwandika ubutumwa bugufi ku mbuga nkoranyambaga cyangwa ukandika ubutumwa bugufi ubaza abandi bantu bakubereye mu buzima kugusangiza ibyiza “qualities” bibiri cyangwa bitatu bihita bibaza mu mitwe iyo bagutekereje.
Wibitinya cyangwa ngo bigutere isoni, kandi wigira ubwoba bw’ibyo bashobora kuvuga. Ndakubwiza ukuri ko ibisubizo uhabwa bizagutangaza mu buryo bwiza cyane.
Buriya twese usanga ari twe banzi bacu ubwacu, ni byo koko umuntu ni we wiyangiriza mu buzima bitewe n’uko yitwara, ariko ntibisobanura ko tudashobora kwiga uko twaba inshuti n’abo turi bo (ndetse n’abo ayo majwi yo kwishidikanyaho no kwicira imanza yatwemeje ko dushobora kuba turi bo).
3. Fata ‘Poze’ nk’Ugiye Kwifotoza
Abafana b’umuhanzikazi akaba icyamamare cyane, Madonna bashobora baravuze ijambo “Vogue”, kandi yego ni byo, biri mu byo mvuga hano. Niba utarigeze wumva cyangwa ngo usome amagambo “lyrics” y’iyi ndirimbo yabiciye bigacika mu 1990 yitwa ityo, ndabigushishikarije, uyishake ubikore.
Iyi ndirimbo ikubiyemo ubutumwa bugusaba guhaguruka ukajya ku rubyiniro mu gihe wumva utiyumva neza bihagije imbere muri wowe. Amagambo yayo abwira uwo ari we wumva atangiye kwitakariza icyizere, kandi akubwira uburyo mu mateka, abantu bigirira icyizere babigenje bakagera ku byo bari biyemeje— kandi ko nawe ubigerageje wabibasha.
Ntabwo unyizera? Uratekereza ko ibyo bintu atari ibintu byoroshye? Ntuzi ndetse yewe ntukunda kubyina?
Ndakumva. Ariko mbere y’uko iyi ntambwe wumva itakureba ngo maze uyikure ku rutonde rw’ibyo wakora, fata uru rugero rw’icyo nakoraga igihe cyose numvaga ntangiye kwitakariza icyizere nkaba nkeneye gusubirana akanyabugabo.
Rimwe nari umuyobozi nshingwabikorwa mu kigo cy’ubucuruzi ngorwa cyane no kugira icyo nakora cyane cyane mu gihe nabaga nisanze ngomba gukorana n’ikipe nshya.
Rimwe rero nagize ntya mpura n’umugore wari mukuru kuri njye, ari umunyabwenge kundusha w’ubunararibonye buhambaye wansangije ibanga ryambereye nk’impamba nitwazaga buri gihe iyo nabaga ninjiye mu cyumba cy’abagombaga gufata umwanzuro w’uko ubuzima bwanjye bwari bumere hanyuma.
Uyu mutegarugori yambwiye ikintu cyamufashaga kwizamuramo icyizere igihe cyose yabaga ageze mu bihe biteye ubwoba kurusha ibindi.
Uriteguye ?
Muri asanseri, mu nzu cyangwa mu cyumba cy’ubwogero ujyamo mu nzira ucamo ugana ku cyanyeganyeje icyizere wigiriraga cyangwa wagiriraga ubushobozi bwawe, wowe icyo ukora ni icyo yambwiye cyitwa “the Wonder Woman pose”, ni kumwe wipanga ‘gifata poze’ nk’ugiye gufotorwa ariko nyine ukabikora nk’umugore wifitiye icyizere cyinshi “Wonder Woman pose” ukabikora utitaye ku buryo usanzwe wiyizi.
Mbivuze mu buryo bwumvikana wenda, wowe icyo ukora ni uguhagarara wemye, ugafata umwanya wumva ko wisanzuye, ugafata ibiganza bibiri ukabifatisha mu manyankinya, ubwo kimwe ibumoso ikindi iburyo, ukerekeza akananwa hejuru, ugahumeka cyane usohora umwuka, maze ukahaba wumva ko uhari koko.
Fata iyo poze mu gihe cy’iminota mike. Ni imwe muri poze zitwa iz’ububasha nk’uko bivugwa n’umuhanga mu bumenyi bw’imitekerereze igenga imibanire, Amy Cuddy.
Uyu mwalimu wo muri Kaminuza ya Harvard, umwanditsi w’igitabo cyakunzwe kandi kikagurisha kopi nyinshi cyitwa Presence: Bringing Your Boldest Self to Your Biggest Challenges aganiriza abasaga za miliyoni inzira zo kugera ku bubasha n’ubushobozi bwacu ndetse no kuzamura icyizere cyacu. Nubigerageza, uzaba uri mu mwanya mwiza.
Ubu ni uburyo umuririmbyikazi Beyoncé akoresha. Christine Madeleine Odette Lagarde— umunyapolitiki, umunyamategeko, umugore wa mbere wabaye Minisitiri w’Imari w’u Bufaransa nyuma akaza kuba perezida wa Banki y’Ubumwe bw’Uburayi akiyobora ubu, na we akoresha ubu buryo.
Ubushakashatsi bwa Cuddy busobanura impamvu ubu buryo bukora bugatanga umusaruro.
Imiterere yacu n’uko duteye kenshi bikurikira imyitwarire, ni ko ubushakashatsi bwe bubivuga, bisobanura ko gutekereza ku rurimi rw’umubiri cyangwa ibimenyetso umuntu akoresha bishobora gutuma uwo ari we wese yumva yiyongereye icyizere.
4. Vuga “Oya” Ubikuye ku Mutima nta Kwicuza
Gutakaza no kwitakariza icyizere bisobanura ko mu buryo bumwe cyangwa ubundi wemeye kurekura imbaraga n’ububasha bwawe ugasa n’ubitera inyoni. Kandi inzira imwe yihuse kurusha izindi yo kwisubiza ubutware bwawe n’ububasha bwawe ni ukuvuga ijambo rigufi ryoroshye kuvuga kuko uretse inyajwi imwe irigize, indi nyuguti iri mu zirigize mu Kinyarwanda ni inyerera ‘[Y]’.
Iryo jambo mu Kinyarwanda ni ‘OYA’. Mu Cyongereza ni NO, mu gihe mu Gifaransa ari “NON”, mu Lingala, wowe uzivugire “TE”.
Ubu rero, iri jambo nubwo ridakomeye kuvugisha umunwa, nyamara bizagusaba kubyitoza. Urabizi? Ni na ko wabigenje igihe witakarizaga icyizere. Subira ku ntambwe ya 1 twabonye ugomba gutera ngo wigarurire icyizere. Buri rugero muri ziriya ngero rwafashe igihe, kandi, ni byo ni ngombwa kwitoza kwizamuramo icyizere.
Ubu na none icyo usabwa ni ugusuzuma ugasubiramo ukamenya ibintu bibi birimo kugira uruhare bikagutera kwiyumva nabi, ukitekerezaho nabi, ukumva nta gaciro ufite, hanyuma tukitoza kandi tugashyira mu bikorwa ibyo kubaka bundi bushya icyizere twigirira.
Tangira buhoro buhoro ku tuntu tworoshye. Ese kumanura uzamura urutoki kuri telefone yawe ureba ibyashyizwe ku mbuga nkoranyambaga biragira uruhare mu kukwangiriza ubuzima bwo mu mutwe? Niba ari uko bimeze, bwira imbuga nkoranyambaga uti “oya”.
Fata akaruhuko uve kuri Facebook, Instagram, TikTok cyangwa ikindi icyo ari cyo cyose gikomeje kugutwara. Yewe n’inshuti n’abantu uzi bagusubiza mu kwiheba, kwisuzugura no kwitakariza icyizere, ushatse wabakura mu buzima bwawe, cyangwa “ukablocka” ugasiba inzira zose ziguhuza na bo.
Ugomba guhitamo niba wakwemerera urwo rusaku kwinjira mu buzima bwawe. Kwigira nyambere (prioritizing yourself) uvuga “oya” ku kwita ku bitangazwa ku mbuga nkoranyambaga ni ikintu ufitiye ububasha kandi bigufitiye inyungu ikomeye.
Na ho se uramutse usanze gutakaza no kwitakariza icyizere bifite aho bihurira mu buryo buziguye no kuba ugenda ukura usaza? Si ibanga ko hari igihuha kimaze imyaka kigendana n’ubusaza n’igitekerezo cyemerwa na rubanda benshi ko uko usaza ugenda usaza hari ibintu utabasha gukora akaba ari na ko utabasha kwiga ibintu bishya.
Icyakora njyewe rero hari ikintu naje kumenya no gusobanukirwa: Kuri buri kigero cy’imyaka, dutekereza ko ikinyacumi cy’imyaka cyabanje hari ukuntu cyari cyoroshye ari cyiza, kandi ko icyo gihe natwe ari ko twari beza mu bintu runaka, tukaba abanyabwenge n’abanyembaraga kurusha uko bimeze n’uko tumeze ubu.
Ni byo rwose bimwe bishobora kuba ari ukuri ariko byinshi mu byo twibwira muri ubwo buryo si ukuri na mba!
Vuga “oya” ku kwibanda ku byo utekereza ko udashobora gukora cyangwa utagishobora gukora nk’uko wahoze ubikora. Shyira ingufu zawe mu byo uzi byose, buri kintu wahuye na cyo ukakigiramo inararibonye, ubwenge wungutse, n’ubumenyi wibitseho. Igihe cyose hari ijwi ry’imbere mu mutima wawe rishaka kukunenga no kukunnyega, ribwire uti “oya. Urakoze, ariko oya, uribeshya, kandi dore impamvu….”
Itoze kuvuga “oya” nibura rimwe ku munsi. Ushobora kuvuga “oya” ubwira amajwi yawe bwite aca imanza kandi agutera gushidikanya no kwishidikanyaho, cyangwa se ibintu bituruka hanze yawe watahuye ko byaguteye kwitakariza icyizere. Aha harimo n’abantu ubwabo bashobora kuba intandaro yo gutakaza icyizere kwawe. Ibi, kimwe n’izindi nama, ni intambwe n’inzira zikomeye wacamo mu kwigarurira icyizere.
Muri Make:
Kwitakariza icyizere ni ibintu bitubaho. Byambayeho bitari rimwe, bitari kabiri, kenshi ahubwo.
Nahamya ko uramutse ubajije abantu bakuri hafi mu buzima—bamwe mu buryo bugaragarira amaso ubona ko ari abantu barangwa kandi ko bigirira icyizere—nta kuzuyaza bazahita bazunguza umutwe bawumanura banawuzamura nk’ikimenyetso cyo kukubwira ko na bo bagiye bahura n’ibihe byo kwishidikanyaho no gutakaza icyizere. Ni kimwe mu bigize kubaho kwacu nk’ikiremwamuntu no kubaho kino kintu twita ubuzima.
Hari amagambo n’imvugo yamamaye cyane yitirirwa Umugore w’uwahoze ari Perezida wa Leta Zunze za Amerika Franklin D. Roosevelt:
Uyu yaravuze ati: “ Nta muntu watuma wumva uri uw’agaciro gake, kandi uciriritse wowe utabyemeye.”
Ugomba guhitamo rero. Iteka ryose uhorana ububasha bwaba ubwo waremanywe cyangwa ubwo wakuye mu byo waciyemo n’ibyo wamenye. Fata poze maze ubwire “oya” ibyo ari byo byose bishaka kukudindiza no kugusubiza mu rwobo.
Njye rero, reka nkubwire ikintu nshaka kumenya, ni iyihe ntambwe nto kandi yoroshye uza gutera kugira ngo utangire urugendo rwo kwigarurira icyizere?
IRADUKUNDA Fidele Samson
