1. Wari wakunda uwo murutana cyane mu myaka?
2. Hari icyo bitwaye kuba urutana cyane mu myaka n’umukunzi wawe?
3. Ese imyaka murutana hari icyo ivuze mu rukundo?
Nubwo abantu benshi bavuga ngo ‘imyaka ni imibare misa’ iyo bigeze mu rukundo, benshi muri twe imyaka n’ikinyuranyo cyayo hagati y’umugabo n’umugore ni ikintu twitaho cyane iyo tugiye kwanzika umubano w’urukundo gabo gore.
Wigeze wisanga wakunze umuntu ukuze cyane mu myaka kukuruta cyangwa uwo uruta cyane? Niba byarakubayeho, menya ko utari wenyine.
Imvugo nk’igira iti: “Mu myaka mike araba ashaje” cyangwa ngo “bizagenda bite naba atagifite agatege ngo dufatanye kubaka?’’, ivuga ngo “nta kindi amukundiye uretse ifaranga” cyangwa ngo “si we umurongoye ahubwo ni umugore umurongoye” bavuga ku musore ushatse umugore umuruta…ni zimwe mu zituma benshi batekereza kabiri iyo bakunze uwo baruta cyangwa ubaruta cyane.
Nyamara nk’uko umwanditsi w’iyi nkuru dukesha steptohealth abivuga, imyaka y’uwo twakunze cyangwa wadukunze si impamvu yagatumye tureka kumukunda ngo tumwime ikaze mu buzima bwacu. Mu bihe nk’ibi, wakaretse umutima wawe ukaba ari wo ufata iya mbere ukayobora maze ukawumvira.
‘Baragira ngo iki?’ n’ayo bakuvuga…
Rimwe na rimwe niba atari kenshi ahubwo, urukundo hagati y’umugabo n’umugore barutanwa cyane rukunda kudakunda ngo rugere ku ntego yo kubana akaramata mu byishimo kubera ko ababiri bakundana [couple] ubwabo kuva ku ntangiriro bumva ko rutazakunda.
Ni ibintu umuryango mugari tubamo (sosiyete), inshuti n’imiryango yacu bagigiramo uruhare cyane. Twanga twabyemera, ibitekerezo bya rubanda n’ayo bavuga ku rukundo rwacu iyo twakundanye n’uwo turutana cyane bigira ingaruka cyane ku rukundo nk’uru.
Ariko se, kuki mu ntangiriro iyo wakunze uwo mutangana uba wumva ufite icyizere ko bizagenda neza? Aha, mu ntangiriro, mu byumweru n’amezi ya mbere, ibintu ntibikunda kuba bikomeye cyane kuko urabizi nawe uko urukundo rugitangira abarurimo baba bibereye mu isi y’inzozi indoro ari ka kana ko mu jisho, imvugo ari ‘cherie chouchou’ abantu bataramenyana neza cyangwa ngo izibana zikomanye amahembe nibiba ngombwa zinasarikane.
Iyo urukundo rugitangira, aha ni cya gihe muba mubona ko ibintu byose bishoboka. Nyamara uko iminsi yicuma, ukuri k’urukundo kandi k’ubuzima kwatangiye kubagera mu matwi n’amaso hiyongereyeho ko munarutanwa, ni ho mu mitwe mutangira kwibaza muti: “Ariko buriya rubanda bazagira ngo iki ra? Ni iki mu by’ukuri bazavuga kuri uru rukundo?”
Mu rukundo aho abantu babiri barutanwa dore ibintu muri rusange bikunda guhangayikisha abakundana:
Ese si njye umushinzwe?
Mu gihe ubundi urukundo rwiza kenshi ruba ari magirirane kandi ari nkugira nkugire, iyo uwo mukundana akuruta cyane mu myaka, ni ibintu byizana mu ntekerezo ko ahatirwa kuba ari we utanga byinshi cyane cyane nk’ibisaba amafaranga no kwita cyane ku mukunzi.
Ni ho uzasanga uretse namwe mukundana, rubanda bavuga ngo “umuntu ungana na se umubyara se uretse ifaranga yamukundiye ni iki kindi inkumi nk’iriya yakundira kiriya gisaza?. Yabuze umusore bangana?’’
Ubundi umusore yakunda umugore cyangwa umukobwa umuruta cyane ugasanga ababirebera hafi uwo w’igitsina gore bamwita ‘sugar mammy’’ nk’umugore ukunda umusore amuhonga ifaranga kandi nta kindi umusore amukurikiyeho kitari icyo.
Mu gihe mu muco w’Abanyarwanda, iyo habaye nk’ibyago umugore apfuye asize abana, henshi bagira umugabo inama yo gushaka undi muto wo kumurerera abana rimwe na rimwe akaba murumuna w’uwo mugore iyo amufite.
Cyangwa bati “Narongore uwo kumusazisha neza”, bisa n’ibidasanzwe iyo gupfusha uwo bashakanye bibaye ku mugore ahubwo we usabwa “kurera abana”, yanashaka akaba ayashaka umupfakare mugenzi we cyangwa undi kenshi bari mu kigero kimwe ariko atari umugabo aruta cyane mu myaka.
Si iby’i Rwanda gusa ariko! Urebye ukuntu itangazamakuru ryo mu burengerazuba bw’isi ryasamiye hejuru kuba Perezida w’Ubufaransa Emmanuel Macron yarashakanye n’umugore umurusha imyaka 24 bikwereka ko kuba umugore yakundana cyangwa agashakana n’umugabo aruta cyane kitari ikintu cyibazwaho cyane muri Afurika gusa cyangwa mu bindi bihugu byitwa ko bidateye imbere mu mico “ijyanye n’igihe” ku isi.
Ni kimwe kandi n’uburyo inkuru y’urukundo rwa Kim Kardashian w’imyaka 42 yakundanye na Pete Davidson w’imyaka 28.
Brian Sadler w’imyaka 70 yashakanye na Kay Brooks w’imyaka 21. Nubwo bitabura kuvugwaho, ntibica igikuba nk’iyo ari umugore urusha umugabo imyaka nk’iyo.
Uretse kandi n’ababirebera ku ruhande nk’abo, n’abakundana ubwabo ntibabura kwibaza ibi. Niba koko ukundanye n’umuntu byitwa ko wowe umaze imyaka 10 ukora uhembwa mu gihe, we, ni urugero ari bwo akijya ku isoko ry’umurimo cyangwa ataranarijyaho, bisa n’ibyumvikana ko uzaba ugomba gusabwa byinshi nk’amafaranga cyangwa n’ibindi bisabwa na yo kumurusha.
Nyamara ibi ntibyakabaye ihame cyangwa ngo wumve ko iteka niba umukunzi wawe akuruta anagomba kukurusha ubushobozi mu bukungu kuko ni urugero ushobora gukundana n’uwo mungana ejo akagira ubumuga wenda kubera impanuka cyangwa indwara, ukaba ari wowe noneho usabwa kumwitaho, ibi kandi byanaba munarutana cyane.
Inama ibagirwa ni ukumenya ko urukundo ari ‘mpa nguhe’ maze mu kwita no gufata neza uwo mukundana, ukabikora utitaye ku wo uruta undi kandi ukabikora mu bushobozi uko bwangana kose ufite upfa kubikorana urukundo.
Ese ningaragara nk’aho ndakuze cyangwa nkabije kuba umwana?
Iki na cyo ni ikindi kintu umwe mu bakundana barutana cyane cyane umuto bakunda kwibaza.
Aha niba wibaza utya, menya ko kuba umuntu akuze bihagije [mature] kandi akaba ari na ko yitwara nta na hato bihurira n’umubare w’ibiroiri by’amasabukuru y’amavuko amaze kwizihiza.
Umuntu w’imyaka 40 ashobora kuba adakuze rwose ukurikije uko yitwara bya cyana mu gihe uw’imyaka 20 we yitwara rwose nk’ukuze kandi azi kwiha inshingano no kuzubahiriza nk’umuntu mukuru. Ni nka wa mugani Umunyarwanda yaciye ati “Ijoro ntiribara umukuru nk’umuto wariraye’’ cyangwa “Umutima w’imfubyi watanze umutwe w’umusaza kumera imvi.”
Rero uretse no mu rukundo, imyaka ni imibare misa iyo bigeze ku kubona ko umuntu akuze cyangwa adakuze cyane mu migirire n’imyitwarire.
Ejo ko azaba ashaje njye nkigaragara nk’abato?
Muri rusange, iki ni ikibazo benshi dukunda kwibaza dutekereza ku buryo uwo dukundana azaba asa ejo cyangwa ejobundi bitewe n’imyaka y’ubukure nyamara nubwo uko umuntu agaragara ari ikintu benshi bagenderaho mu guhitamo umukunzi, urukundo rw’ukuri nyarwo rushingira ku kirenze icyo.
Rimwe na rimwe hari abaza gutereta umuto muri aba bakundana bahereye ko bangana na we banamwibutsa ko mugenzi we akuze “badakwiranye”, binavamo rimwe na rimwe gucana inyuma nubwo bitakabaye urwitwazo kuko n’abashakana bangana cyangwa batarutanwa cyane ntibibabuza ingeso nk’iyo y’ubuhemu.
Impamvu ni uko uko byagenda kose uko dusa kandi tugaragara ubu bizahinduka bitewe no gusaza cyangwa izindi mpamvu nk’impanuka cyangwa indwara. Iyo umuntu agukundiye uko n’uwo uri we, isura yawe n’uko usa nta cyo biba bivuze.
Bene uwo akunda umutima wawe n’intekerezo zawe kuko uko usa byo ni ibintu bizahinduka uko igihe kizashira.
Muri make: Mu rukundo, imyaka ni imibare, nta kindi keretse iyo wemeye ko ibyo abantu bizera bidafite ishingiro ari byo bikuyobora. Bitwaye iki umugabo n’umugore umwe wo mu myaka 40 akunze uwo mu myaka 30 baramutse bakundanye bishimye mu rukundo rwabo?
N’ubundi nta kibaho ngo kizabure iherezo, kuba abantu barutana mu myaka si impamvu yatuma bashakana ngo ejo bazatane, biramutse binabaye, ni imwe mu mpamvu zirenga ijana.
BBC yandtse mu nkuru yayo ko ubu abashakana barutana imyaka guhera ku icumi bagenda biyongera muri Amerika n’Uburayi kandi ko mu gihe benshi bibwira ko kubana n’umuntu murutana imyaka cyane bishobora kugorana ahubwo ko kubana neza ukarambana n’uwo mwashakanye bishingira ku mpamvu nyinshi zirimo gukundana ubutaryaryana, kubahana, gutegana amatwi no kutagira icyo muhishana.
